No one was laughing anymore: What to do when embarrassed

They were laughing at us. I am but a small town teacher accompanying my student, Jasmin, to the mayor’s office. Part of her final requirements is to conduct community development activities and we were talking to the mayor as a courtesy.

He did not even say any greetings.

“Write me a formal letter,” the mayor orders

“I have a copy of the letter with me but we had your office receive it three weeks ago,” I humbly reply.

“This lacks details,” he retorts as he peruses the letter. “Do we understand each other?”

I understand that he is not accepting us into his city but I do not acknowledge it.

“I’ll revise the letter and give it to you today,” I counter.

He frowns.

Embarrassment is a brief but intense loss of self-esteem.

I dress up the best I could by wearing a short-sleeved button-up polo while also being very careful not to look too overdressed. However, to make matters worse, I know that I look younger than my real age. People in institutions always think that I’m a newly employed worker who knows little about the real world. I keep looking him in the eye as if saying that I’m not fearful of authorities. I stare him in the eye.

Other constituents stare at us too, then stare back at the mayor. They were also waiting to talk to him. Many of them are asking for money. This mayor is rude and far from being a diplomat. I don’t understand his boorishness. We weren’t asking for money. In fact, we wanted to help his constituents. Isn’t it ironic how the persons attempting to help are the ones being shoved away from the gate?

The truth is, I wasn’t even thinking about those things. I did not care even if I was being ridiculed and embarrassed. I had a task to do so I pushed forward. I brought out my laptop and started revising the letter.

Embarrassment, according to Zimbardo (1977) is a brief but intense loss of self-esteem.

Despite everything, I push my agenda. I named drop some influential persons and organizations so that the mayor would know how knowledgeable I am about government procedures. I purposely showed him my car keys to unconsciously signal that I was not some small time teacher. I even tried some psychological tricks just to get him to sign off on it. Regrettably, none of it worked. The sky started to dim as if forewarning a devastating storm.

From that point, I realize that the only benefit I’d gain from this encounter was to help Jasmin understand how to talk to authorities, how the real world works. I used this challenging circumstance as an opportunity for her to learn. At this moment, I am her role model.

I talk calmly to the mayor and try not to lose my temper. I am a diplomat, I tell myself. I represent the university. In this conversation, I am not the one who stoops low by being rude. When I stare into the mayor’s eyes, I look at it with my head up high.

We remember Zimbardo’s tip about confronting shyness, “Let your actions speak for themselves.”

After the encounter, I talk to Jasmin and we process the entire experience. We remember Zimbardo’s (1977) tip about confronting shyness, “Let your actions speak for themselves.”

Even if we were embarrassed, no matter what took place, no matter what we say, we don’t have any other agenda but to do good. We will let our actions speak for themselves.

No one was laughing anymore.

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Click here to read Shyness: What it is, What to do about it by Philip Zimbardo

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